“Blame Canada” is less funny when it’s not a joke

Has Donald Trump’s anti-Canada rampage gone too far?

When I moved to the United States from the U.K. in 2013, one of the first lessons in my quest to become the ultimate British American hybrid was to understand that Canada is to the USA what Scotland, Wales, France and Germany is to the U.K., sort of.

Americans hate Canadians like the British hate the French or the Germans, without all the centuries of warfare stuff.

For years, this attitude towards Canada has been less Great-Britain-versus-Nazi-Germany and more two siblings throwing mud at each other all while knowing that, deep down, they’re pretty similar in a few of the ways that matter: namely, Western civilization.

So we make light-hearted fun of each other all the time, giving us a never-ending supply of cultural punchlines: when in doubt, just go after Canada.

But we make fun of Canada while acknowledging — at least, in our hearts — that they’re our neighbor, ally and — yes — friend.

A friend you’ll joke is fat and ugly, sure, but a friend nonetheless.

Meanwhile, we all understand that other nations — such as China — are not our friends.

But now, thanks to Donald Trump’s obsession with tariffs and his bizarre habit of targeting friends and allies with more aggression than our enemies, “blame Canada” is less of a punchline and more of an actual foreign policy position.

Donald Trump — no doubt motivated by the all-too-online MAGA movement’s hatred of Justin Trudeau (who sucks, yes) and the strange celebration of imperialism represented by the call to absorb Canada as the 51st state — is holding 25% tariffs over Canada’s head like a schoolchild threatening his classmate with a bag of not-so-fresh dog poop.

Because threatening one of our closest allies with almost certain recession through rates that are higher than pre-NAFTA and pre-1980s trade agreements is just hilarious.

The usual explanation here is that this is just Trump’s style of diplomacy: scare the shit out of people so they cave and give us what we want.

1. That’s a strange way to treat your allies.

2. Why stop with tariffs? Why don’t we just threaten to nuke Canada? I bet they’d fall in line then, the pussies.