Kamala Harris: a vapid speech from a vapid woman for a vapid country

Subscriber Exclusive

In a world where our insults are as shallow as our culture, insults tend to be basic. “You’re stupid.” “Idiot!” “Dumbass.”

But one of my personal favorites is one you rarely hear: “vapid”.

Vapid (adjective): offering nothing that is stimulating or challenging.

Sometimes, the perfect word is like a knife to the guts of the issue. Take this example from the movie, Rush, where Formula 1 driver James Hunt (played by Chris Hemsworth) says this to his soon-to-be-ex wife:

Fuck off to New York, dear. There must be a moisturizer or eye shadow somewhere that needs your vapid mush to flog it.

When you really need a good insult, hire a Brit (or in this case, a Brit played by an Australian, who are basically British anyway).

This brings me to the final night of the Democratic National Convention, and the long-awaited speech from their nominee, Kamala Harris.

And it was a vapid speech from a vapid woman for a vapid country.

Her speech was 3,313 words of complete and utter meaningless drivel.

She thanked her husband “Dougie.”

She thanked Joe Biden, the man she once called a racist sexual abuser.

She thanked Tim Walz, inaccurately referring to him as “Coach.”

She thanked the delegates who handed her the nomination without ever receiving a single primary vote from their plebeian voters.

She took us on a meandering Wikipedia-style journey through her biography, without mentioning the fact she grew up in Canada.

She moved into a State of the Union speech, listing off her supposed achievements as a District Attorney and attorney general in California.

She complained about Trump, listing off the things she didn’t want Trump to do in her own imagination in a seemingly-endless “we are not going back” tirade which included everything except for “we are not going back to when Donald Trump murdered puppies with his bare hands.”

Then, on page 7 of 12, she finally got to her Mao-like call to charter a “new way forward.”

No policy positions, of course. Just promises.

Promises of an “opportunity economy.”

Promises of “access to capital” for business owners.

Promises of housing and Social Security and Medicare.

Promises of a middle-class tax cut.

Promises of national abortion laws (branded as “a bill to restore reproductive freedom” because Kamala Harris is so bold she doesn’t even have the balls to say “abortion.”)

Promises to end gun violence.

Promises to provide clean air and water.

Promises to protect the border (lol).

Promises that America will beat China.

Promises to end the war between Israel and Hamas.

Promises to create a Palestinian state.

The first half of this speech was a padded resumé for a job Kamala Harris already has.

The second half was a childish Christmas list of what voters want.

And the common theme? None of it was real.