The real Jeffrey Epstein scandal

The sudden claim that there is no “client list” only makes sense if you have a double-digit IQ

“Jeffrey Epstein didn’t kill himself.” That’s the slogan that summarized the years-long tsunami of outrage, conjecture, and conspiracy theories that has dogged the infamous Jeffrey Epstein—the American “financier”, child sex offender, and international blackmailing pimp.

Oh, and his best friend of Prince Andrew, lest we forget.

For those who have been living under a rock, here’s a brief timeline of Jeffrey Epstein:

• After being fired from a private New York City school (where Epstein was somehow allowed to teach without a college degree), he worked in finance, amassing a vast wealth while (totally coincidentally) building and leveraging a network of sexual abuse of women and children to entice and ensnare a circle of high-profile figures.

• In 2008, Epstein was convicted in Florida of procuring a child for prostitution and of soliciting a prostitute, following an investigation beginning in 2005 that found 36 girls—some as young as 14—had “allegedly” been sexually abused. Thanks to a plea deal, he served 13 months of a 18 months sentence, celebrating his release in his New York City mansion with…Prince Andrew.

• In July 2019, Epstein was arrested on federal charges for the sex trafficking of minors in Florida and New York, and was found dead in his jail cell weeks later.

Prince Andrew would have gone to the funeral, but he was busy chowing down on a kids-size Margherita at Pizza Express.

All caught up? Good.

Now, there’s been an ongoing theory that Jeffrey Epstein didn’t kill himself—by hanging, according to a medical examiner—and was actually murdered. For years, we have been told that there was no footage of the incident and/or that the officers charged with Epstein’s safety were…asleep. During his third presidential campaign, Donald Trump played into this insanity, promising that the truth about Epstein’s demise would finally be released, even handing us this hilariously-embarrassing moment at the White House where already-released documents were placed in binders for MAGA influencers to parade with delight.

Nothing more delightful than “the truth” about one of our generation’s most prevalent sexual abusers, huh?

These “Epstein binders” were a colossal nothing-burger, of course, containing redacted information that was previously public, and the weeks and months that followed culminated in the bizarre release of video footage that supposedly never existed that, according to Trump’s DOJ, prove that Epstein didn’t kill himself.

See if you can spot the problem.

Not only is this reportedly not even footage of Epstein’s cell…there’s 61 seconds missing from the video. But according to the attorney general (and former Qatar lobbyist) Pam Bondi…that’s normal.

There were no tapes, then there were “tapes”. There were no files, then there were files, then there were no files again. Now, it’s normal for sections of prison security footage to routinely go missing.

Suddenly, the Trump administration—who, again, ran on releasing the truth—are telling us that there’s nothing to see here.

Bullshit.

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