There is an idea of a Gavin Newsom
No matter how hard Gavin Newsom tries, he is simply not there
This column was first published by The Washington Examiner.
For several years, California Governor Gavin Newsom has been spending his time engaged in a bizarre shadow-boxing campaign against various right-wing boogeymen who — in the depths of his imagination — represent obstacles along his path to the White House. Whether it’s having to stare down the infamous poop map during his debate with Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, his horrendously awkward foray into the world of podcasting, or his entirely manufactured descent into online trash talking, there is no level of humiliation that will stand in Newsom’s way of destroying the country after destroying San Francisco and then California.
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Meanwhile, the strangest part of Newsom’s strategy is to be like Donald Trump, including his obsessive compulsion to post on social media like a deranged teenage girl with nothing to lose. One of many problems with this strategy? Trying to be like Trump is essentially a political Ring of Power that can only be wielded by its one creator, Trump himself, dooming all those who seek to wield it to lives of embarrassment.
If only Gavin Newsom was capable of experiencing embarrassment, or indeed any human emotion.
The latest absurd chapter in this saga? Newsom’s response to Ted Cruz’s accusation that the Californian Governor is “historically illiterate,” with Newsom shrieking: “Ted Cruz calling a dyslexic person illiterate is a new low, even for him.”
Setting aside whether or not Gavin Newsom is dyslexic — perhaps this explains why he didn’t even notice Trump calling him “Gavin Newscum?” — and the fact that Gavin Newsom’s inability to understand the meaning of “historical” being prepended to “illiterate” could indicate that he is indeed illiterate, Newsom’s big mistake here is that this strange embrace of identity politics doesn’t work if you’re trying to be like Trump while crying victim in such an obvious manner.
It just makes you seem…pathetic.
Not only that, self-prescribed victimhood might work on the extremes of the Left, but to the average American, it’s the ultimate electoral turn-off. Joe Biden couldn’t mask his mental collapse behind “but he has a stutter,” and Gavin Newsom’s attempt to hide behind sudden-onset-dyslexia is going to be just as unsuccessful.
At the root of it all, what Gavin Newsom — and his fellow psychopathic comrades — will never understand is that Donald Trump’s personality (whether you like him or not) is authentic, and the American voter can spot Newsom’s utterly inauthentic and clownish attempt at authenticity from a mile away. Trump might lie — as do all politicians — but when he pulls on a McDonald’s uniform, chats with members of our military, or fires off a tweet at 3 in the morning, we all know we’re getting the real Trump — spray-tanned warts and all.
Unfortunately for Gavin Newsom, there is no “real” Gavin Newsom. To paraphrase American Psycho: “There is an idea of a Gavin Newsom; some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me, only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable…I am simply not there.”
And no matter how hard Gavin Newsom tries, he is simply not there.
Ian Haworth is a syndicated columnist. You can find his work on Substack.